Presents

So here I am sitting at Alina's house, waiting for her to finish teaching her piano lesson when I started looking around at random blogs of friends I haven't visited in a while. Of course, I felt like I had to write a little landmark of my own.

I'm turning 17 tomorrow. Yes, 17. I'm so young for my grade yet its so old compared to what I feel like. I mean... 17 years. I remember being fascinated by the fact I turned TEN, so many years ago. But now... 17. I mean, after that its one year of painstakingly annoying college-dedicated activities and off to a college I don't really care about too much. I mean, it'll be fun getting out of this general area, but like fuck, I will miss plano and its antics. Afterall, its inevitable after I've lived here for so many years... since I was 5.

Beyond that, I noticed the general developement in my celebrations of birthday parties. 2 years ago, when I had a large b-day party for my 15th birthday, it was fun but I felt like I was obligated to invite some people. After a year into high school, I had definitely drifted from my former friends. And me, being my anti-social self, had made no effort in getting to know anyone else. God knows why. However, we were still close enough for me to invite some people and have a generally decent celebration.

A year after that, my sweet 16... I really hated the idea of hosting a party. The past year was no different in my anti-social tendencies towards people. However, another year was past and more drifting had occurred. When I really thought about it, there was NOONE for me to actually call a close friend at that point. Of course, I could always connect to people if I took time to sit down and talk to good friends. But, I mean, noone knew my daily life. Harsher yet, noone cared. But it was my fault. I had no intention to complain. I celebrated most of it in silence, but then desperately asked Melissa to spend the last few hours with me, chilling at Collin Creek. What can I say? When only two people say Happy Birthday to you and one lives in a different city, it's pretty painful.

This year... I seem to have evened out a bit more. Friends come and go, I realise that. But thankfully, more have come into my life this year. I actually gained some friends. Amazing, no? But definitely some close ones this year. But am I hosting a birthday party? No. I'm still not. Not because I have noone to invite this year. Rather, whats the difference between hosting a party and hanging out with some close people? I mean, a party is for those who intend to unite a large group of people. I don't enjoy that kind of thing too much. Rather, I enjoy time with a couple of friends just anywhere, you know? We all spend money on food, all that stuff. I don't care much for presents or any of that. I just want to be content for a day.

But of course, school has to make everything due the coming week. So i'll spend my birthday panicking over that. A bit disappointing, but I'm still a bit satisfied. Maybe its cause I feel like I could have had a birthday party and truly enjoyed myself. Or rather because I feel like i've become a little more important to some people over the past year. Realizing one's importance is a very important thing. Or rather, glorifying it is important. Everyone wants to be the main character in the story. Even if I'm just a side character, at least I'm not just a face in the crowd anymore. And that's a present to my ego as it is :]