Wednesday, February 21, 2007
Sunday, February 18, 2007
Apologies.
If I've ever made you feel extremely uncomfortable, upset, irritated, or hurt because of me, I'm sorry. I'm more stupid than most blondes [no offense] and insensitive to boot, but I don't mean most of the things I say or do. I don't think over a lot of things and overly complicated some other things. I'm just rather awkward a lot of times.
But the thing is, I'm too stupid to actually figure out anything on my own. So if you're angry, please just talk to me. Unless things are upfront, I won't notice them. So if I've ever pissed you off, just tell me. If theres anything you don't like about me, just tell me. My attention to details is none at best. I lack common sense in every way and I'm sorry if I've angered any of you.
But please, just tell me.
Watch as an entire of line of people come up to me on Tuesday with lists upon lists of complaints.
But the thing is, I'm too stupid to actually figure out anything on my own. So if you're angry, please just talk to me. Unless things are upfront, I won't notice them. So if I've ever pissed you off, just tell me. If theres anything you don't like about me, just tell me. My attention to details is none at best. I lack common sense in every way and I'm sorry if I've angered any of you.
But please, just tell me.
Watch as an entire of line of people come up to me on Tuesday with lists upon lists of complaints.
Wow... Why Did This Week Seem So Freaking LONG?!
Yep, extremely long and boring week... kinda.
Don't know why, but I was freakishly happy on Friday afternoon-ish as some of you might've seen. And yesterday. Well, there was Fete Francais so there was no reason to be happy or anything, but I think the awesome coffeeness boosted it all. Hurrah for Starbucks <3 <3.
But it was awesome to see Tiara again at the Fete... first time i've seen her in a year... and then the random soccer game really refreshed me. Fun :]
And I went to TV's house at like.. 9 PM to work on the freaking bridge. Stupid bridge *stab*. This is going to be long and tiring isn't it? Not one member done and already tired of seeing glue. :[
Well, Movie Mania today at Ines's house in an hour and a half for the English project. Yay kung-fu xD
Don't know why, but I was freakishly happy on Friday afternoon-ish as some of you might've seen. And yesterday. Well, there was Fete Francais so there was no reason to be happy or anything, but I think the awesome coffeeness boosted it all. Hurrah for Starbucks <3 <3.
But it was awesome to see Tiara again at the Fete... first time i've seen her in a year... and then the random soccer game really refreshed me. Fun :]
And I went to TV's house at like.. 9 PM to work on the freaking bridge. Stupid bridge *stab*. This is going to be long and tiring isn't it? Not one member done and already tired of seeing glue. :[
Well, Movie Mania today at Ines's house in an hour and a half for the English project. Yay kung-fu xD
Wednesday, February 14, 2007
Valentine's Day
Chocolates, Flowers, all that crap. Keep it to yourself. Since when is the concept of 'Love' something to be exploited?
I don't need to hear about how much you love that person, especially in dazed-rant form. Personally, I'm not in love with them. You're happy. Good for you. I'm happy for you but I don't need to see PDA all over the halls (Why yes, the halls are now for hugging and kissing for extended periods of time. Didn't you know that? I love it especially when they're walking and stop suddenly in front of me. Then start elaborate displays of sexual contact... everything except for the actual intercourse. GET A ROOM!) .
And yes, I got a flower. Good for me. Get over it. Its from someone who's just a friend and so stop making such a big deal out of it. Even if it was from someone who liked me, I don't need other people to comment on it. Grow up.
On a cuter note, my dad bought a heart-shaped cake for my mom.
I don't need to hear about how much you love that person, especially in dazed-rant form. Personally, I'm not in love with them. You're happy. Good for you. I'm happy for you but I don't need to see PDA all over the halls (Why yes, the halls are now for hugging and kissing for extended periods of time. Didn't you know that? I love it especially when they're walking and stop suddenly in front of me. Then start elaborate displays of sexual contact... everything except for the actual intercourse. GET A ROOM!) .
And yes, I got a flower. Good for me. Get over it. Its from someone who's just a friend and so stop making such a big deal out of it. Even if it was from someone who liked me, I don't need other people to comment on it. Grow up.
On a cuter note, my dad bought a heart-shaped cake for my mom.
Tuesday, February 13, 2007
Painting
Yay for infinite hours working on this god damned painting. Lets see, APUSH test tomorrow, Art project due thursday, and Fete on Saturday. Mm... I have to memorize prose for that. And I still havent uploaded the stuff. Mm..
I don't ever want to even see paint ever again. Lucky for me, I get to paint again tomorrow. Mm... tribal mask art on Valentines Day. No better way to feel loved than to paint in various shades of red-violet for several hours in a row.
I don't ever want to even see paint ever again. Lucky for me, I get to paint again tomorrow. Mm... tribal mask art on Valentines Day. No better way to feel loved than to paint in various shades of red-violet for several hours in a row.
Monday, February 12, 2007
Sunday, February 11, 2007
Stillness of the Afternoon
Let us enjoy our days of calmed happiness but relish our days of suffering and activity.
Saturday, February 10, 2007
Amazing week.
I swear, this has been the most amazing week ever considering the number of things out of schedule i've done over the past 5 days. The number of times i've been a complete idiot, the number of times other people have done something stupid, and just the overall experiences compressed down into 5 short days of panic and frenzy. The APUSH museum project got my adrenaline pumping like no other as I sprinted up and down the goddamned from the cafeteria to the library and back.
I know a few of you guys will call me crazy, but no matter how much I hated this freaking APUSH project, I loved it to death too. I think its just because this is something out of the ordinary. This is something I can actually do and see results, not write on a piece of paper and turn it in. Projects, my friend, projects. I feed off of the building stress over the week, and deal with the best I can. I tell you, I'm addicted to this stress. Stress makes endorphins, so its like a little dose of Heroin, haha.
So well, basically an outline of my week as well as I can remember it.
Monday: School, to Allie's house to paint, back at 9.
Tuesday: School, to Allie's house to paint from 5:30-6:45 (my idiotic phone call incident with Kyle calling me 2 feet away and me not noticing that its him, continuously asking who it is), then to KD from 7:00-9:00 (Ryan actually showed up. Good job Ryan. :]), then back home.
Wednesday: Erm... this day's been blank in my mind... All a blur. Well... its cause this week kinda meshed in my brain. Really weird, really. Well, at night, I stayed up with Jessica when she spazzed in her APUSH single-man... woman doing work for whole class mode while I studied precal. So, Wednesday blended into Thursday as the sleepnessness set off another surreal mood in my brain.
Thursday: Wow, much panicking. I went to school, failed Pre-Cal test... (that thing was fscking hard), English graded discussion, physics problem bank overview, psycho Chapt 3 Quiz, then APUSH. We set up the museum stuff, which I mention, was a complete and utter failure. I'm sorry, our project sucks ass. I think we started the entire thing wrong. Not to mention, Mr. Cone is pissed at us like no other cause of the whole moving project issue. Lots of things went wrong, and 6th period ended.
I skipped 7th (come on, its french -.-) and continued to work on the project with Allie throughout. Afterward we were like, "this is not gonna work..." and kinda redesigned the interior. So, everybody came after school and spazzed on the project, considering we had like no crap at all... It was a giant black box. A giant black box. Come on. Give me a break. Insanity, indeed.
Mmm... lets see what happened... Kyle and I went to my house to get 'artifacts' aka random chinese crap laying around. Dead squirrel incident.... Mom chasing him with Tangerines... Finding out we were gonna be kicked out at 6.... Panicking... Alyssa and Ines's random picnic by the pond...
Then I found out I was gonna be in Academic Decathalon next year or something when I met Jonathan while waiting for my parents to pick me up (I called my dad to pick me up and he was like OK. Then, 20 minutes later and many convos later, nothing. So, I called again.
Mom: Erm... where are you? Want me to pick you up? Your dad is here with me playing soccer at the Rec. Center....
WTF. But anyways, after that, she picked me up and promptly sent me to KD again, which I stayed at from 7-9. Well, I slept the first hour, haha. Went back home, and studied for stupid Physics. Jessica pulled another close all-nighter. I got six hours or so, so thats all good.
Friday: First thing that happened. Dad shuffling around the house woke me up and and the first thing that I did was sit straight up and scream "SHIT!"... don't know why. Hahah. Panicked so much. Well, that was about 6:40, so I got up, did some stuff, then called Jessica without reading the messages on aim she sent to me. Sorry, Jessica.
She drove me to starbucks, then school, and work on the project began. Mmm.. Cinnamon Doche Latte, not bad. Too cold though. I NEED SCALDING HOT COFFEE. Anyways, much panicking (and drama mask designing) till 8:55.
Then the Art Test... which was nothing.... Pre-Cal lecture (not like I listen)... English Test... Physics Test... psych lecture(that freaked me out... I swear, they were talking about little things about the brain and it brought all the horror stuff I've ever watched and read back to me. The thing is, I realized that those things would actually be physically possible... according to psych... Like they can take your skull cap off and have your brain sticking out in the air while you're wide awake... and poke your brain and do all this stuff while you're just talking to them... Then the diagram of a guy just staring at us with all his skin and skull stuff peeled back. God... So disturbing)... APUSH looking at the different classes' museum projects which pissed me off anymore cause we had a ginormous black box as ours... then french which involved sleeping on Alina's desk.
Then, we went to the museum project afterwards and took everything down. I gathered all of my crap and put it nearby whilst Alina fondled my stuffed moose. So... that got done relatively quicky and then me and alina kinda just sat there... waiting for the film festival. Jessica showed up, so we put everything in her car and she drove us to Golden Chick and ate chicken(Devil wears prada, arms, fat, other crap like that). Pretty good. The chicken and the rolls. But the ketchup sucks. :[
Then, we went to the film festival (Well... I've got your car!) and watched a couple of films. Some were funny, some werent. Some of them were really corny and cliche. So basically, that was fun.
Then we left and I promptly crashed head to head with Jessica while attempting to shoulder her. Then... I crashed into Alina while we tried to sandwich jessica... Drove back... Sang Mexican music... went home... well.. tried... But my parents werent there so i went to jessica's place and kinda talked for a while.. till like 9:45 (guitar convos.. weird spinal convos.. memory convos... life convos... poster convos...).. then went back home, took a shower, and proceeded to crash on the couch.
So... now I'm here in the morning typing this all out. Its all good though. Funky week. Well, I cant remember what happened the first few days except for the fact that TV was absent the entire Monday to Thursday. THUCVAN! DON'T DIE!
Edit: Mr. Plano show was pretty cool. They were really well prepared, all except for the Demetri Martin ripoff and the white nerd boy rap. Get well soon, Jessica.
I know a few of you guys will call me crazy, but no matter how much I hated this freaking APUSH project, I loved it to death too. I think its just because this is something out of the ordinary. This is something I can actually do and see results, not write on a piece of paper and turn it in. Projects, my friend, projects. I feed off of the building stress over the week, and deal with the best I can. I tell you, I'm addicted to this stress. Stress makes endorphins, so its like a little dose of Heroin, haha.
So well, basically an outline of my week as well as I can remember it.
Monday: School, to Allie's house to paint, back at 9.
Tuesday: School, to Allie's house to paint from 5:30-6:45 (my idiotic phone call incident with Kyle calling me 2 feet away and me not noticing that its him, continuously asking who it is), then to KD from 7:00-9:00 (Ryan actually showed up. Good job Ryan. :]), then back home.
Wednesday: Erm... this day's been blank in my mind... All a blur. Well... its cause this week kinda meshed in my brain. Really weird, really. Well, at night, I stayed up with Jessica when she spazzed in her APUSH single-man... woman doing work for whole class mode while I studied precal. So, Wednesday blended into Thursday as the sleepnessness set off another surreal mood in my brain.
Thursday: Wow, much panicking. I went to school, failed Pre-Cal test... (that thing was fscking hard), English graded discussion, physics problem bank overview, psycho Chapt 3 Quiz, then APUSH. We set up the museum stuff, which I mention, was a complete and utter failure. I'm sorry, our project sucks ass. I think we started the entire thing wrong. Not to mention, Mr. Cone is pissed at us like no other cause of the whole moving project issue. Lots of things went wrong, and 6th period ended.
I skipped 7th (come on, its french -.-) and continued to work on the project with Allie throughout. Afterward we were like, "this is not gonna work..." and kinda redesigned the interior. So, everybody came after school and spazzed on the project, considering we had like no crap at all... It was a giant black box. A giant black box. Come on. Give me a break. Insanity, indeed.
Mmm... lets see what happened... Kyle and I went to my house to get 'artifacts' aka random chinese crap laying around. Dead squirrel incident.... Mom chasing him with Tangerines... Finding out we were gonna be kicked out at 6.... Panicking... Alyssa and Ines's random picnic by the pond...
Then I found out I was gonna be in Academic Decathalon next year or something when I met Jonathan while waiting for my parents to pick me up (I called my dad to pick me up and he was like OK. Then, 20 minutes later and many convos later, nothing. So, I called again.
Mom: Erm... where are you? Want me to pick you up? Your dad is here with me playing soccer at the Rec. Center....
WTF. But anyways, after that, she picked me up and promptly sent me to KD again, which I stayed at from 7-9. Well, I slept the first hour, haha. Went back home, and studied for stupid Physics. Jessica pulled another close all-nighter. I got six hours or so, so thats all good.
Friday: First thing that happened. Dad shuffling around the house woke me up and and the first thing that I did was sit straight up and scream "SHIT!"... don't know why. Hahah. Panicked so much. Well, that was about 6:40, so I got up, did some stuff, then called Jessica without reading the messages on aim she sent to me. Sorry, Jessica.
She drove me to starbucks, then school, and work on the project began. Mmm.. Cinnamon Doche Latte, not bad. Too cold though. I NEED SCALDING HOT COFFEE. Anyways, much panicking (and drama mask designing) till 8:55.
Then the Art Test... which was nothing.... Pre-Cal lecture (not like I listen)... English Test... Physics Test... psych lecture(that freaked me out... I swear, they were talking about little things about the brain and it brought all the horror stuff I've ever watched and read back to me. The thing is, I realized that those things would actually be physically possible... according to psych... Like they can take your skull cap off and have your brain sticking out in the air while you're wide awake... and poke your brain and do all this stuff while you're just talking to them... Then the diagram of a guy just staring at us with all his skin and skull stuff peeled back. God... So disturbing)... APUSH looking at the different classes' museum projects which pissed me off anymore cause we had a ginormous black box as ours... then french which involved sleeping on Alina's desk.
Then, we went to the museum project afterwards and took everything down. I gathered all of my crap and put it nearby whilst Alina fondled my stuffed moose. So... that got done relatively quicky and then me and alina kinda just sat there... waiting for the film festival. Jessica showed up, so we put everything in her car and she drove us to Golden Chick and ate chicken(Devil wears prada, arms, fat, other crap like that). Pretty good. The chicken and the rolls. But the ketchup sucks. :[
Then, we went to the film festival (Well... I've got your car!) and watched a couple of films. Some were funny, some werent. Some of them were really corny and cliche. So basically, that was fun.
Then we left and I promptly crashed head to head with Jessica while attempting to shoulder her. Then... I crashed into Alina while we tried to sandwich jessica... Drove back... Sang Mexican music... went home... well.. tried... But my parents werent there so i went to jessica's place and kinda talked for a while.. till like 9:45 (guitar convos.. weird spinal convos.. memory convos... life convos... poster convos...).. then went back home, took a shower, and proceeded to crash on the couch.
So... now I'm here in the morning typing this all out. Its all good though. Funky week. Well, I cant remember what happened the first few days except for the fact that TV was absent the entire Monday to Thursday. THUCVAN! DON'T DIE!
Edit: Mr. Plano show was pretty cool. They were really well prepared, all except for the Demetri Martin ripoff and the white nerd boy rap. Get well soon, Jessica.
Wednesday, February 7, 2007
Shit
What the crap is this? The past few days have been fun in a way, but it feels like I'm getting shit from everybody for the crappiest of reasons.
Dudes, I don't need shit from you if you don't realize that already. I have enough going on in my life already with other people giving me shit. So shut the fuck up if you're just bitchy and want to PMS about something. I'm not your fucking scapegoat.
I'm sorry for trying to help out and trying to be relatively nice about it. I swear, I'll never try to associate with you ever again. Happy now?
I swear, if you guys keep on giving me shit, I'm going to fucking snap. I'm not your vent-slave nor a freaking doll. If you want to talk to me, thats fine. I don't need mood swings in my face.
Dudes, I don't need shit from you if you don't realize that already. I have enough going on in my life already with other people giving me shit. So shut the fuck up if you're just bitchy and want to PMS about something. I'm not your fucking scapegoat.
I'm sorry for trying to help out and trying to be relatively nice about it. I swear, I'll never try to associate with you ever again. Happy now?
I swear, if you guys keep on giving me shit, I'm going to fucking snap. I'm not your vent-slave nor a freaking doll. If you want to talk to me, thats fine. I don't need mood swings in my face.
Saturday, February 3, 2007
Surreal Week
Seriously, i feel like i've been living this entire week in a different reality. My head's been so dazed and everything seemed to be blurry. Time seemed to distort itself and minutes passed like hours and hours seemed like seconds. I felt like I was beyond stoned.
Something happened in my part project/competition submission thing that I don't even want to talk about, and I swear 3 ppl are pissed at me. Names unplaced for privacy issues. All of which I realized on Friday. The thing is, I don't know freaking why they're mad at me. Its great.
When I'm supposed to be relaxing, I feel like I'm about to jump off a cliff. The stress is always there and although I hate it, without stress, I feel so empty. Its like, addictive.
Sometimes, my body feels like its shaking for no reason at all. It'll be a perfectly normal day and I'll feel a rush of adrenaline and a tension in my heart, as if something horrible was about to happen. But theres no reason why.
Right now, it feels like I'm becoming more and more emotionally unstable. Like everything thats built up over the past 16 years, every tear and hurt I've refused to shed, dawning upon me. All my faults seem far more exaggerated than usual and theres so many things I want to do right now.
I want to... See people I haven't seen... Lose myself in a forest for a day... Feel the sand beneath my feet... Hear nothing but wind around me... Be surrounded by nothing but darkness... Run barefoot on the burning cement sidewalk... Jump into the creek's cold waters... Stare up at the starry sky... Lay my head against someone's comforting shoulder.
My eyes feel like they're swirling around in their sockets and there's this pounding headache that refuses to go away. I feel like I'm daydreaming... as if I have been for the past 2 weeks. Nothing is real but the here and now.... and the people I can touch and see.
I'm content, yet not enough so. I'm ambitious for something more. But I can't even seem to grasp what.
Intimacy
Something happened in my part project/competition submission thing that I don't even want to talk about, and I swear 3 ppl are pissed at me. Names unplaced for privacy issues. All of which I realized on Friday. The thing is, I don't know freaking why they're mad at me. Its great.
When I'm supposed to be relaxing, I feel like I'm about to jump off a cliff. The stress is always there and although I hate it, without stress, I feel so empty. Its like, addictive.
Sometimes, my body feels like its shaking for no reason at all. It'll be a perfectly normal day and I'll feel a rush of adrenaline and a tension in my heart, as if something horrible was about to happen. But theres no reason why.
Right now, it feels like I'm becoming more and more emotionally unstable. Like everything thats built up over the past 16 years, every tear and hurt I've refused to shed, dawning upon me. All my faults seem far more exaggerated than usual and theres so many things I want to do right now.
I want to... See people I haven't seen... Lose myself in a forest for a day... Feel the sand beneath my feet... Hear nothing but wind around me... Be surrounded by nothing but darkness... Run barefoot on the burning cement sidewalk... Jump into the creek's cold waters... Stare up at the starry sky... Lay my head against someone's comforting shoulder.
My eyes feel like they're swirling around in their sockets and there's this pounding headache that refuses to go away. I feel like I'm daydreaming... as if I have been for the past 2 weeks. Nothing is real but the here and now.... and the people I can touch and see.
I'm content, yet not enough so. I'm ambitious for something more. But I can't even seem to grasp what.
Intimacy
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