China

I don't remember exactly how the order of my days in China went or what exactly happened on them, but I'm going to recall this past month as well as I can.





WuJiaoChang- After I got off the plane, they took me to eat pizza at this underground subway-esque thing at the intersection of 5 roads. Its humungously big and people everywhere in the moderately air conditioned underground. Lu Ai Yi left after dinner to do something and Li Shen led me around the area and checked out some malls including one that was like 12 stories with an ice skating rink in it. She asked me if I wanted to ice skate but she said she didn't know how so we refrained from doing that. Later, we checked out the outside where there was huge round things that the railroad went through up suspended in the air that lighted up and was different colors from each side. There was a bunch of kids putting on a rollerblading show and a bunch of old people singing and dancing around. Afterwards, we took the bus and went back to the house.






ShaoXing Trip- We left early in the morning at like 6 AM and got on the bus. It was me, Lu Ai Yi, her little sister, Li Shen, and Gao Yi. Chinese people really like to eat food. They brought so much food with them that it was ridiculous, asking me to eat some every step of the way. We went to some Guo Dai [ancient place] to look at this Poet's house who was like born in the 1880s. I took a lot of pictures and there was this street of souvenirs. I totally bought a fan and did the asian fan thing to cool myself off considering it was like.... fucking ridiculously hot outside. Later, we went to a pearl place and I bought a pearl necklace for 60 RMB for my mom [bargained from 75 RMB]. The hotel we stayed at was nice. Me, Li Shen, and Gao Yi shared a room and Lu Ai Yi and her younger sister shared a room. We played 80 Fen until like 11 and I tried to learn that uber confusing game in vain. I fell asleep wearing my glasses while Gao Yi and Li Shen watched TV.

The next morning, I woke up at like 6 AM and someone had nicely taken off my glasses and folded them next to me. We ate breakfast at like 7:00 and went on the bus to the waterfall place. When we got there, we hiked a bit and then there was this huge mountain lake that we had to take a boat across. Then we took a cart and then hiked up to the 5 tiers [the waterfalls], the most beautiful being the bottom most. I got to see the 5th, 4th, and 3rd tier before heading back down because the path above didn't have any rails. It was just me, Lu Ai Yi's lil sis, and Gao Yi who hiked up because Li Shen had hurt her foot like... 3 months prior due to a basketball incident or something. So Li Shen's mom and Li Shen stayed at the 1st waterfall and took a shitload of piccies. Afterwards, me and Gao Yi walked around and took some piccies and then we got back to the boat area, ate some ice cream stuff, and got back on the boat. After getting on the boat, we went to some residential place and ate. Then, we went to some Mei Nue's house place that was actually rather pretty and walked around in the burning hot sun. Then we went home via subway for the first time and saw an intense fight break out.






NanJing Lu- Li Shen, Lu Ai Yi, and her lil sis and me went to Ren Min Guan Chang, then switched over to line 2 to go to Nanjing Lu. We got some makeup that Lu Ai Yi ordered, then ate at NanJing Lu. It was this huge buffet that was uber cool. I tried out... rice wine, red wine, beer, everything. Rice wine was the best and I downed it. I ate so much. Then we walked down stairs and checked out some expensive american-esque clothing. Too expensive though. Afterwards, we went to Shin Tien Di, the foreigner hangout. But it was still bright outside and the number of people were very few. After some monotonous browsing, nothing happened and we went back to Ren Min Guan Chang to check out the underground subways shops. I found out that my feet are considered enormous in china, at a whopping 39-40. The max size that have at most shoe store places for women is a 39. We browsed for a lil while, but when it was dark out, we went up and looked at the massive amount of lights and people. After walking for a decent amount of time, we went into a small neighborhood and Li Shen called a cab and we waited for like 10 minutes until he came and sent us back home.






1st time visiting Ye Ye and Wai Gong-

....

Stupid enough... or smart enough.


"The days were slipping past,
Let the good things never last..."

"I hardly recognize the girl you are today,
and I hope its not too late..."


Red light.


Distractions, work. Temptations, disastisfaction.


Change.... vs. Lack of Change


"Bear the cross"


Idle days.


Anger --> Frustration --> Tears --> Wonder --> Fall


Undependable?


Classical music doesn't calm shit, dr. A.


Desperate, horrible.


Pent.


Miss 'em.


Perfect timing. Just enough to not mess with my nonsocial life.


Nightmare... Woke up panting.


Ranted without ranting.


Don't know what to say.


B? Dunno.


It's about to burst.









.....

I don't know anymore. Whatever. Blood or tears, the sands of time bury everything right?


Still hurts.

Gah

GOD FUCKING DAMNIT. WHAT THE FUCK AM I TO YOU?! A FUCKING BACKUP? THE PLATFORM THAT CATCHES YOU IF YOU FALL?! I DONT WANT TO BE THE FUCKING SUPPORT COLUMN TO A BUILDING.

Oh my god :D

I feel sooo mean for laughing at this but still... LMAO!!

Quizzy?

In 2007 I:
[ ] stayed single
[ ] got kissed
[ ] kissed someone new
[ ] made out
[ ] made out in a car
[ ] kissed in the snow
[ ] kissed in the rain
[ ] fell in love
[ ] fell in love with a fool
[ ] had my heart broken
[x] broke someone else's heart
[ ] had a stalker
[x] lost a friend(Well.... acquaintance considering my definition of friend)
[ ] had a good relationship with someone
[ ] questioned my sexual orientation
[ ] came out of my closet
[ ] got pregnant (Yes, I actually did have a baby)
[ ] got married
[ ] had a divorce
[ ] kissed someone of the same sex (lmfao no thanks)
[x] met someone that I will never forget (Too many)
[ ] did something I regret ... (I don’t regret anything)
[ ] lost my true love (If it was true love, you wouldn’t have lost it)
[x] lost faith in love for awhile (Never had faith)
[ ] kissed under mistletoe
[ ] got a promotion
[ ] got a pay raise
[x] changed jobs
[x] lost my job(I blame it on parents)
[x] quit my job (See above)
[ ] dated a co-worker
[ ] dated my boss
[ ] dated my boss's son/ daughter
[x] got fired from my job (refer to []lost my job)
[ ] got straight A's (AHAHAH I laugh)
[ ]failed a class
[x] cut class (heh.... heheh)
[x] skipped school (Fun stuff)
[x]did something I was proud of(Many things)
[x] proved myself an idiot (2nd story floor window. The end.)
[ ] embarrassed myself in front of the whole gymnasium
[ ] fell in love with a teacher (Eww they’re all female and/or old)
[x] was involved in something that I will never forget (Haha, you have no idea)
[x] painted a picture (Art class)
[x] ran a mile (Used to run 5)
[x] listened to music I couldnt stand (Annoying crap)
[ ] double dipped
[x] skinny dipped (Hey, I have a pool in my backyard, what can I say?)
[x] went to a sleepover (rawr :D this year was sleepover year)
[ ] went to camp
[x] threw a surprise party (Err, kinda?)
[ ] laughed till I cried
[ ] laughed till I peed my pants
[ ] flirted shamelessly (-.-)
[ ] visited a foreign country
[x] visited a foreign state (Cali :])
[x] cooked a disastrous meal (ALL OF THEM)
[x] lost something important to me (Haha.....)
[ ] got a gift I love
[x] realized something new about myself (It isn’t growing up if you don’t learn about yourself)
[ ] tried to gain weight
[ ] dyed my hair
[x] came close to losing my life... (Haha.. lets just say road rage follows)
[ ] someone close to me died (I hope it’ll never happen but that’s just whimsical)
[ ] went to a wild party (Sheltered)
[x] ran from/hide from the cops (hahaha......)
[ ] read a great book
[x] saw a great movie (Many pretty good ones I guess...)
[ ] saw a movie so scary that it made me scared
[x]saw a favorite band live (MUSE ZOMG)
[x] did something that I want to tell everyone (:D)
[x] experienced something new (Haha, definitely many new things)
[x] made new friends (:])
[x] found out who my real friends are (<3)
[x] lied to my parents (Who doesn’t?)
[x] snuck out (’nuff said)
[ ] got in trouble with police
[ ] kissed in a pool
[ ] kissed under the stars
[ ] did an illegal drug
[x] went to a party (Boring ass shit)
[x] had the time of my life (:D)
[x] danced (Kinda?)
[ ] fell out of love
[x] had a crush on someone (Haha, more like a passing whimsical fancy)
[x] swam in a pool
[ ] made a snowman
[ ] went skiing
[ ] went sledding
[ ] slept in past 2pm
[ ] held someones hand that I care about
[x] told someone I like them as more than a friend
[x] gone on vacation
[x] gone on vacation with a friend (Oklahoma bitches :D)
[x] driven a car (heck yeahh)
[ ] played strip poker
[ ] danced in the rain
[x] seen someone get in a car accident (scary stuff)
[ ] got in a fist fight
[x] laughed until I couldn't breathe
[x] had an amazing year (:])
[x] missed someone (Definitely a lot)
[ ] got hit by a car
[ ]see someone get hit by a car
[ ] sent someone to the hospital
[x] enjoyed this year overall.... (Very well :])

The past few months is what I'd imagine life to be like. Mistakes, lessons, goals, failures all compacted down. There have been times I've loved myself and times where I completely hated myself like the scum of the earth. 

I want to do so much. I can see how one day can change the world or completely disappear from memory. 

I've been so satisfied with so many things and my views on people are constantly changing back and forth. Optimist to pessimist to humanist. It's like a rollercoaster of morality, haha. 

But I must say when it comes down to it, I don't really regret this year. I've screwed up so much and so many things have gone right. But the thing is that enough things have gone right that I feel satisfied. And I must say, isn't that what life's kind of about? To be able to say that it was all worth it in the end.

It's good enough, the past year has been dramatic enough, anticlimactic enough, slow enough, confusing enough, amazing enough, boring enough, and most definitely, painful enough.

"I've learned how to suffer."- Definitely true, haha. I've learned to suck it up and deal with it. I've learned how to be take a beating so bad that it feels like the end of the world. But I've also learnt that human being are like cockroaches. You flush us down the toilet and we'll keep climbing up for no reason at all. The bottom isn't the bottom, there's always worse.

I won't even say how happy I've been though. But all in all, there have been some good times. If the beatings are worth it just to experience happiness, then I must say, that's a life worth living.

Presents

So here I am sitting at Alina's house, waiting for her to finish teaching her piano lesson when I started looking around at random blogs of friends I haven't visited in a while. Of course, I felt like I had to write a little landmark of my own.

I'm turning 17 tomorrow. Yes, 17. I'm so young for my grade yet its so old compared to what I feel like. I mean... 17 years. I remember being fascinated by the fact I turned TEN, so many years ago. But now... 17. I mean, after that its one year of painstakingly annoying college-dedicated activities and off to a college I don't really care about too much. I mean, it'll be fun getting out of this general area, but like fuck, I will miss plano and its antics. Afterall, its inevitable after I've lived here for so many years... since I was 5.

Beyond that, I noticed the general developement in my celebrations of birthday parties. 2 years ago, when I had a large b-day party for my 15th birthday, it was fun but I felt like I was obligated to invite some people. After a year into high school, I had definitely drifted from my former friends. And me, being my anti-social self, had made no effort in getting to know anyone else. God knows why. However, we were still close enough for me to invite some people and have a generally decent celebration.

A year after that, my sweet 16... I really hated the idea of hosting a party. The past year was no different in my anti-social tendencies towards people. However, another year was past and more drifting had occurred. When I really thought about it, there was NOONE for me to actually call a close friend at that point. Of course, I could always connect to people if I took time to sit down and talk to good friends. But, I mean, noone knew my daily life. Harsher yet, noone cared. But it was my fault. I had no intention to complain. I celebrated most of it in silence, but then desperately asked Melissa to spend the last few hours with me, chilling at Collin Creek. What can I say? When only two people say Happy Birthday to you and one lives in a different city, it's pretty painful.

This year... I seem to have evened out a bit more. Friends come and go, I realise that. But thankfully, more have come into my life this year. I actually gained some friends. Amazing, no? But definitely some close ones this year. But am I hosting a birthday party? No. I'm still not. Not because I have noone to invite this year. Rather, whats the difference between hosting a party and hanging out with some close people? I mean, a party is for those who intend to unite a large group of people. I don't enjoy that kind of thing too much. Rather, I enjoy time with a couple of friends just anywhere, you know? We all spend money on food, all that stuff. I don't care much for presents or any of that. I just want to be content for a day.

But of course, school has to make everything due the coming week. So i'll spend my birthday panicking over that. A bit disappointing, but I'm still a bit satisfied. Maybe its cause I feel like I could have had a birthday party and truly enjoyed myself. Or rather because I feel like i've become a little more important to some people over the past year. Realizing one's importance is a very important thing. Or rather, glorifying it is important. Everyone wants to be the main character in the story. Even if I'm just a side character, at least I'm not just a face in the crowd anymore. And that's a present to my ego as it is :]